So within the past week my ex has had his son and today I began putting away old newborn clothes of Max's to stash for my little brother. I got to a certain outfit - it was a Life's Good outfit with a tiger on it and remembered the exact day Max wore it - the day he came home from the hospital... and it brought back a TON of memories... how exhausted I was, although I wouldn't succumb, the extra lbs I cried about because I thought I'd NEVER get back in shape, but most of all, the time I spent staring at my son and realizing how truly blessed I was to have a new life. Slowly my exhaustion became overwhelming and I got frustrated VERY easily. There were nights when I threw pillows, binkies, bottles, everything. And now I've seen how far I've come. Those days still happen, but very rarely. He can sit and cry in my ear and now as opposed to then, I can handle it. I've come a long way, there are moments I wouldn't trade. But if I could, for just a minute, step back in time to relive his birth day I would. Now with him able to chew on his legs, lay in his crib, and keep himself entertained, it's still very bittersweet but a proud moment for what I've made, how independent he's become, and how he's reaching his milestones like no other.
Just make sure you always need your mommy little Max.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
1 year ago...
So little Max is growing by leaps and bounds... I need to get better about posting in this thing. Last Thursday he laughed out loud for the first time! And he's about to get started on purees! He's stopped tongue-thrusting and stares at my food like he wants some, so we're just waiting for him to hold his head up completely well... he's got it for the most part, but still gets tired and WHAM! his head goes back in my face and I get bruises... now you know why I've got them all over... can't catch a break between him and Bry! Haha, not really.
So (drumroll) BRY AND I FINALLY HAD OUR FIRST DATE ALONE LAST NIGHT!!! It was crazy finally realizing it's been almost 4 months since that's happened! We went to Theo's American Kitchen for Valentine's Day dinner and it was the BEST choice, in my totally biased opinion :) We had an amazing dinner, got a few drinks, and got to relax under some dim lights and talk about things and really enjoy each other! DEFINITELY important. We've come a long, long way... time to reminisce about a year ago.
If you don't know, Feb 15 2009 I found out that I was pregnant with my gorgeous little Maxwell. It wasn't always butterflies and rainbows. Bry and I were going through a TOUGH time. I was on my third pregnancy test this night (over a span of a couple weeks), and was ready to say arrivederci if it read, "Not Pregnant." I went to the bathroom, performed the test, and then got frustrated because it felt like it was taking forEVER! Came back in after I put it in the cabinet underneath the sink, looked at it, and the blood drained from my body. I turned ghost white, went back out to the couch where Bry was sitting, where he immediately knew something was wrong. I had to lead him into the bathroom and show him, I was speechless. We had a lot of setbacks through the next month, took a breather from each other, and grew a little bit. He finally realized that I wasn't a horrible person and trying to completely "ruin his life" or that I was endangering my child's life by drinking while I knew I was pregnant as some people thought otherwise. Now I sit here, a year later, completely in love with two boys and could never picture myself anywhere else. I'm completely lucky to have an amazing son who can make me go from me being frustrated to completely turning to mush in about 2 seconds. And along with that, more importantly, a boyfriend who is an AMAZING father, my best friend, and is gonna be there right beside me through thick and thin. I am so overwhelmingly blessed in so many ways. They're the blessings I thank God for once, twice, maybe even three times in a night. I've never been happier in my life.
Dear Maxwell,
You'll never know the greatest scare you gave me a year ago... I was 19 years old and completely floored about what was going to happen in my life - school, a baby on the way, how was I going to do it all? Good thing I put a word in with the man upstairs, because it hasn't been too terribly overwhelming for the most part. Thank you little one. You'll never know how much you saved me, saved my life, and then completely changed my world. Right now you're sleeping in your swing with the sweetest expression on your face. Please promise me you won't grow up too fast, and that you're always gonna need me. Hearing songs about kids growing up before I know it just makes me want to put you on super-slow mode. But sadly, you can't be controlled by a remote control. You're almost double the size you were when you were born! I love you baby boy. You make my life so much worthwhile. Although you weren't planned, the second I knew I had you growing inside of me, I knew God had a plan. You've helped me grow so much in the last year by leaps and bounds. I'm not the same person I used to be. I can't wait for the next month when you're laughing more and I'm loving you more and more each day.
Love you forever sweetheart,
Mommy
So (drumroll) BRY AND I FINALLY HAD OUR FIRST DATE ALONE LAST NIGHT!!! It was crazy finally realizing it's been almost 4 months since that's happened! We went to Theo's American Kitchen for Valentine's Day dinner and it was the BEST choice, in my totally biased opinion :) We had an amazing dinner, got a few drinks, and got to relax under some dim lights and talk about things and really enjoy each other! DEFINITELY important. We've come a long, long way... time to reminisce about a year ago.
If you don't know, Feb 15 2009 I found out that I was pregnant with my gorgeous little Maxwell. It wasn't always butterflies and rainbows. Bry and I were going through a TOUGH time. I was on my third pregnancy test this night (over a span of a couple weeks), and was ready to say arrivederci if it read, "Not Pregnant." I went to the bathroom, performed the test, and then got frustrated because it felt like it was taking forEVER! Came back in after I put it in the cabinet underneath the sink, looked at it, and the blood drained from my body. I turned ghost white, went back out to the couch where Bry was sitting, where he immediately knew something was wrong. I had to lead him into the bathroom and show him, I was speechless. We had a lot of setbacks through the next month, took a breather from each other, and grew a little bit. He finally realized that I wasn't a horrible person and trying to completely "ruin his life" or that I was endangering my child's life by drinking while I knew I was pregnant as some people thought otherwise. Now I sit here, a year later, completely in love with two boys and could never picture myself anywhere else. I'm completely lucky to have an amazing son who can make me go from me being frustrated to completely turning to mush in about 2 seconds. And along with that, more importantly, a boyfriend who is an AMAZING father, my best friend, and is gonna be there right beside me through thick and thin. I am so overwhelmingly blessed in so many ways. They're the blessings I thank God for once, twice, maybe even three times in a night. I've never been happier in my life.
Dear Maxwell,
You'll never know the greatest scare you gave me a year ago... I was 19 years old and completely floored about what was going to happen in my life - school, a baby on the way, how was I going to do it all? Good thing I put a word in with the man upstairs, because it hasn't been too terribly overwhelming for the most part. Thank you little one. You'll never know how much you saved me, saved my life, and then completely changed my world. Right now you're sleeping in your swing with the sweetest expression on your face. Please promise me you won't grow up too fast, and that you're always gonna need me. Hearing songs about kids growing up before I know it just makes me want to put you on super-slow mode. But sadly, you can't be controlled by a remote control. You're almost double the size you were when you were born! I love you baby boy. You make my life so much worthwhile. Although you weren't planned, the second I knew I had you growing inside of me, I knew God had a plan. You've helped me grow so much in the last year by leaps and bounds. I'm not the same person I used to be. I can't wait for the next month when you're laughing more and I'm loving you more and more each day.
Love you forever sweetheart,
Mommy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
